Who says you can’t be happy all the time?

Had an amazing few days.
Maybe, if I was a different person, or to people from outside it looks like nothing special happened, but since I am;
Me I am high on pure moments where silence and me meet, between new friends and moods. Shared experiences.

I had the most fascinating interaction with H&H on the train, it was like music, it was like skipping between clouds. From one subject to another. We laughed, we enjoyed one another’s company. It’s rare for me to have a positive social interaction with almost 100% anxiety free.
I guess we were all high on exhaustion. I suspect they enjoy it too but I think it matters more for me, since I am me
I share moments from inside of me and I think in that moment I was different.
Yeah, that’s what it was. I was me, but I reflect and experienced that moment different- within me, I made our entire same chemistry and interaction different because I was tired.

I know, sadly, next time I read this post I would probably wouldn’t exactly know what I was talking about, it happened to me few times in my life, where I existed in a moment and nothing else mattered. Everything slowed down, I existed clean in my head.

I was hurting so bad, my feet hurt so bad from walking all day, my head hurt, my eyes were red from lack of sleep, my jaw hurt, I was a mess yet I was in a transcendent happiness…Pure extract 100% organic free light…..love.

20 minutes before arriving at the last stop, home, a teenage girl, handed me a paper with drawings on it(hypnotoad, edward scissorhands) and at the bottom it said: You made me smile, have a nice day.
She ran off, I didn’t get to see her face. I’m curious. Since I don’t have many friends, it’s nice to be appreciated, but I don’t think I’m gonna look for her. I am gonna hold on to the paper, and once in a while, have a look at it to remind myself I am awesome.
I have to believe it.
I wanted to run after her cause my instinct was she probably didn’t mean me but maybe H. or meant plural ‘you’. But she gave it to me, she didn’t put it on the table for us all.
I need to stop with this self denying and accept the fact that I’m funny and witty, because I am, I know I am. I learn slowly to change the habit of oppressing who I am, I practically learned to do that since forever, I need to reveal myself as a whole that I am and love all that it is me;
I am a treasure.
I am beautifully brilliant, in all my incredible ways, and as much as it’s nice to be appreciated by others, I am me;
I, will celebrate myself for myself cause it’s on top of it all that I will see it
Before,
Any other.
I will open my eyes,
And see
That I
Am
Me.

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I’m back

This is probably not going to be the first or last time I’m gonna forget about blogging. But I am making a commitment here, okay? Whatever happens I will come back, eventually.

Two days after my last post I got married. I was dressed in white and he was dressed in black and white. Went to the beach, ate pizza danced a little.
After a week we went to Finland. It was hypnotizing. Didn’t get to see the northern light which crashed my heart…..

I’m in a really dark weird part of my life, I’m constantly changing. I’m trying to be better, I try to remember I already am good, remind myself who I am and what I want. Remembering that that’s what it’s all about.
I can’t just pause my life waiting for my nightmares to happen, well, obviously I can cause that’s what I’ve been doing for the past few months, but enough is enough, a new year has started. We were not meant to carry our burden forever. I put it down, and now going for a new adventure.